My love for yoga and my desire to continue to learn about the magnificence of the human body led me to studying and experiencing energy psychology, belief psychology, Traditional Chinese Medicine and Five Elements Theory, acupuncture, sound therapy, polyvagal theory, tapping, bioenergetics, psychosomatic therapy, trauma healing, energy healing, the Map of Consciousness, and the human biofield.

Throughout my studies and various life experiences, I began to understand how deeply emotions impact and shape our lives, our health, and our ability to thrive. As I started to dive deeper into understanding emotions and befriending emotions of my own, I was presented - as if by synchronicity - with a first-hand emotional experience that would forever change me - profound grief.

The day after Christmas, 2021 my dad died. My foundation shattered. All of the lights seemed to go out. I was upside down, inside out, lost, alone, scared, and didn’t recognize myself or anything around me. Nothing made sense anymore. I no longer knew who I was or why I was here. I no longer felt like I had a purpose.

After six months of near-immobilizing depression, uncontrollable sobbing, and physical pain, the lights seemed to turn back on again: I was pregnant. Joy made its way back to me; I felt alive! I felt like I had superpowers. I was still grieving, and I had a baby to create and breathe life into: It was a delicate balance I had to find, and I effortlessly remembered, and leaned into, all of the tools I had in order to find this balance. At our 11-week ultrasound appointment to determine a true due date and age of the baby, we learned our precious son did not have a heartbeat. The life and light that had filled me up had vanished. I disintegrated. I was helpless and scared.

It had only been eight months since my dad had died and already another layer of grief had been piled on. Two weeks later we had to say goodbye to our beloved fur baby, Tiki. Yet one more layer of grief in a dreadfully short time span. It became hard to discern what exactly I was grieving. Each experience was so closely intertwined that it was difficult to pinpoint the source of my grief. How is it possible to lose a parent, a baby, and a companion within such a short time? I was overcome with anger and rage. I was scared and broken. My soul ached. My chest felt empty and as if an elephant was pressing on me all at the same time. I felt like I was in a dark, unfamiliar space and completely alone. All I could manage to do was read. I lost myself in piles of books, searching for anything I could find that might explain what happened to me; and more importantly, why.

About four months later, in what had to be synchronicity, I discovered Biodecoding (a healing paradigm that is based on the logic of biology, and the intrinsic organ-psyche-brain connection). I immediately knew the upcoming program would help me through my grief and support my desires to help others in their healing journeys, and so I signed up to become a Certified Biodecoding Coach right there on the spot when I discovered the program. I was right: This therapeutic program taught me how to lean into my grief and showed me how my beliefs affected how I was grieving. I am so grateful for this program because it reminded me of my purpose again: Supporting others to befriend the deepest parts of themselves so they can reach their fullest potential and live their most optimal life.

With the help of Biodecoding as a student, a practicing coach, and a client, I was able to untangle my thoughts from my feelings and my feelings from my beliefs and truly lean in to my grief. Once I was able to sit with my grief and befriend it, I realized that was my first task in stepping into my purpose, and soon after that realization, I felt all of the golden threads throughout my life begin to weave together. I suddenly understood how important nervous system regulation is and how addressing beliefs aids in emotional transformation, and I suddenly had this desire to alchemize energies of lower vibrational emotions.

With this understanding and desire now at the forefront of my mind, energy psychology and tapping quickly came into my field and I started consuming and experiencing everything I could on the topic. I was re-introduced to the works of Stephen Porges and Deb Dana and began seriously studying polyvagal theory and my own nervous system. I then dove into David R. Hawkins’ work on consciousness and learned about the frequencies each emotion holds, and I became desperate to raise my own vibration from grief (75 Hz - and associated with anger, fear, and guilt) to courage (200 Hz - associated with bravery, optimism, and empowerment).  I was aiming for courage because it is the level of emotion where we begin to transform negative energy into positive energy: It is the frequency of alchemy. Reaching a level of courage is the first step towards empowerment, and I was committed to getting there. When I finally reached the level of courage and was vibrating slightly above 200 Hz, I immediately saw my golden thread weave into this gorgeous bow: My sudden understanding about the nervous system and beliefs along with my sudden desire to alchemize the energies of lower vibrational emotions was exactly what I was experiencing.